Can Sex Toys Ruin Your Sex Life

An opinion piece written by a female heterosexual; who is an ardent sex toy user.

 

Men ask this question because they fear that an inanimate object will be bigger, better, faster and ultimately give more pleasurable orgasmic satisfaction than they ever could; and women ask because they wonder if a rubber toy or a vibrating head will replace what any man or woman can offer, rendering the live human experience redundant; for some, happily so.

My answer to this question is a definitive no – sex toys cannot ruin a sex life.

And here is why.

I believe it is impossible to replace what person to person contact can give us. The fireworks that turn us on, the touch, the smell, the feel, the sensual juices; this connection is unique no toy can replicate this.

But what about the business of orgasiming?

Our senses may well be fulfilled with a partner, but does this necessarily end in the orgasm that a toy can give, which so many women don’t enjoy with their partners.  If you have experienced the insane speeds of a vibrator on your clitoris or a dildo penetrating deep inside you, maybe a G-Spot stimulator making your toes curl, you may well ask, can another human really compete? The sheer speed and steady direct contact – I admit the mechanics of a battery/rechargeable device is superior and will probably get you to climax quicker. Some women even prefer the fact that there is no bodily fluid, in your mouth, running down your leg; a toy is a clean and tidy experience, and the user is totally in control.

 

Let’s talk oral sex.

When a man or women goes down on you, can the workings of a tongue, the suction of a warm mouth, the cajoling of fingers be replicated by a silicon toy? Coaxing a clitoris to orgasm may well take longer, but with it comes the warmth and wetness of a tongue, the connection of hands on inner thighs, breasts, arms, legs, stomach; or fingers inside you with tongue stimulation. In short, a multitude of sensations, that a toy will never give. Okay sure, I’m describing great passionate oral sex, with a person who knows what they are doing. So let me not romanticize the debate. The toy gets the job done – switch on, find the spot, find the speed, achieve the desired outcome. But one does not replace the other, or even compete with the other; it is simply two entirely different experiences.

Have toys tempered my attitude to oral sex?

Yes. I find I can become impatient if a man is less than competent with his fingers or tongue. It’s not about comparative speeds or intensity, but because I know what can be achieved with my toy, I am a little more demanding and a little less tolerant. I judge my own skills differently too; I very seldom use my fingers when I masturbate, they just don’t give me as much satisfaction as any one of my toys –  definitely not the case for all women.

Would I  say no to a man going down on me?

Are you nuts? Oh and the flip side of playing with fast vibrating toys, is that it has also made my clitoris more sensitive and responsive to touch, a definite advantage. Add penile penetration, with clitoral stimulation – again this beats any toy in overall sensations and outcomes.

 

And what about the vaginal orgasm?

I can categorically state a toy has never even come close to giving me the satisfaction a man can. If I use one of those toys that whir and vibrate inside me, I feel like an excavation site with a tool grinding away inside me. The more sophisticated toys can produce an intense, satisfying orgasm. I am in control, I speed up when I need greater friction and the job certainly gets done. But the feeling of a cock moving inside me is unequivocal. The sensation of skin on skin, arching and contracting in rhythm with another body like a dancer in a pad de deux, turning, rolling, mouths, hair, tension and release. There ain’t no toy that can do that.

And then there is the G-Spot…

There is always a debate around it’s existence, but if you have found it….you will know. I have never found mine, but interestingly my partner has, and what a find that was. I have toys that are G-Spot stimulators and they simply don’t work for me. My partner’s fingers just seem to find the spot; orgasm is instant and overwhelmingly brilliant. Perhaps this is a challenge for the toy makers or maybe a challenge for me.

 

Good sex between two people is like a conversation.

A good orgasm with a toy is a delightful moment…alone.

And if your partner isn’t big enough, or too big or not rhythmic enough, or even bordering on just plain bad at sex, then experiment, ‘converse’ with your bodies. I have enjoyed every size cock and it is almost always possible to find positions that accommodate every appendage… and ability. And why not bring toys to the party; it’s an entirely different experience if you use toys as a couple, and can certainly enhance the fun. I know many people are not interested in this addition, but I say, don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. Especially if the bedroom is not coming alive!

I also think we need to be honest. If you go on a coffee/drinks date, and conversation is difficult or you don’t make some kind of connection, you may well give it a second or even third try, but if there are no sparks then one moves on. And it’s the same for sex. If things aren’t firing, sure don’t give up on shag one, it can take time to learn each other’s bodies, but don’t flog a dead horse, we are not all compatible, one person’s brilliance may be someone else’s nightmare.

 

Could I give up my toys? No.

Even if there was a human on hand at any given moment satisfying my every whim and need, I would still want alone time with my toy. But one will never replace the other.

They go together like…there’s a song in there somewhere.